I have never had such a wandering mind. So much consumed by myself. I thought having a baby makes you selfless! But it is otherwise. Or am I looking at myself closely only now.
Its so easy to get lost in the ocean of emotions. I think the pregnancy and post partum hormonal changes plays a havoc on the mind. Need to be watchful otherwise can lose vision any time.
Or is it just to justify the current state of mind. Why can’t I be just be happy in myself. Why can’t I just not be as is. This is the period that I’m having a life transforming experience…. even more transformational than delivering a baby.
And I’m really lucky to remember the right person.. may not be at the right time but definitely before things could get worse. You need the proverbial friend, philosopher, guide to put you on track when you wander. At every juncture in life the person may be different but the message remains the same. “Look unto yourself.”, “Watch your mind.”, “Watch your emotions.”, “Watch your thoughts.”, “Bring some discipline.”
It just takes a second for that catherizing experience. And your thoughts are transformed for ever. And you start seeing your life more objectively devoid of emotions.
I have been fortunate to enjoy the brilliance of motherhood. That smile on my son’s face is priceless. How much I had wanted a child. But when I look back at any desire in life including a want for a child once fulfilled doesn’t sustain your completeness for long. You crave for something more. What next? What else?
I just wanted to attend Rudra puja because someone from the ashram was coming and was sure it would be a good experience. But honestly I thought anyway Guruji is not coming.. it’s just his disciple and so didn’t expect to transform my bhakti so much…I met one of the co-participants of DSN and she asked who is coming from the ashram.. I fumbled with my mobile and checked the message to get the name of the seer.
It was 4 pm now. People started pouring in… everybody smiling at each other and echos of Jai gurudev everywhere…there was so much joy already in the air…One of the person in the group suggested chanting Om namah shivaya and singing a few bhajans… And all of us started with the chanting and the place was high on energy after a few chants.
Swamiji arrived. We started singing a Guru song to greet him with all respect. There were three more pundits accompanying him. He smiled at the audience. I could feel the joy, devotion and warmth overflowing from him… But my small doubting mind said –he doesn’t look like an Indian…how is he going to perform the puja?
He took his designated place. With so much attention and style he did each action – from adjusting his angavastram to pulling back his tresses to arranging the table for puja.. Breathe taking… But the doubt is still there!
Then the puja began and I was awestruck with the devotion that he did the Guru puja… as if all the Gurus were present there…it filled everyone with reverence. Though I have read about rituals and have heard Sri Sri himself speak about it, when Swamiji spoke about the act of doing puja and meaning of these rituals I was enthralled and was put to the next level of devotion. My doubts were dropped and peacefully saw him perform the abhisheka. He did it with so much love and bhakti. As suggested by Swamiji I meditated when the chanting was still on. Probably I never had a deeper meditation in my life…
And then it was time for alankaram… So gracefully he would pick each flower and garland and arrange them over the shivling. With so much attention he dressed the idols knowing that it would be dismantled in another few minutes. It was like a mother would dress up her kid for a special day. I felt Guruji’s presence – what bliss…
I got the golden opportunity of touching his pious feet. He blessed me and smiled at me…and I have not stopped smiling ever since! How apt his name is – Swami Purnachaitanya – Complete Conciousness.
I was on a tour with my family – Delhi, Haridwar and Vaishno Devi. All covered in 10 days.
And after all the temple visits, the reunion with my college buddies happened the weekend post Diwali! I can feel myself smiling when I just mention about it – what joy it is to see your friends again and some of them after ages – we were meeting after around 4 years!
Dhaka, who drove us from Karol Bagh to Gurgaon and back, is a typical “Jaat” who will get really overcharged for anything about his principles. My hubby did enjoy the conversation with him during the drive and I was glad the guys were comfortable with each other. He jumped out from midst of the coveted F1 event for 2 things:
*Drive us to the destination where all of us were to meet
*to not get into any brawl as Monika would have gone mad at him if he had not reached the designated place of rendezvous.
He is married and talked about his wife, kid and family etc. It seemed like a dream… Dhaka talking about his wife! Wonderful human being with lot of energy…he too didn’t change much!
We reached the destination – a hotel in Gurgaon where Anchal was staying with her better half.
Anchal was my roomie during MCA days and is now married to a US citizen and I was happy to see her happy with him… I couldn’t make it for her Indian version of her marriage that happened last year in Ambala. It is so enriching to see your friends settled in life and having nice time with their partners. I dont know its only with me or everyone feels the same…
Infact she met my husband the first time as she was in US when I got married 5 years ago. Her bubbly nature and the warmth hasn’t changed at all- all these years. Oh my God how much we loved each others company. We used to share everything under the sun with each other. Our connection was so strong that we just were not interested in any other friends for sometime. She used to loathe my weekend visit to my home. And has even been upset about it and will doubt her importance in my life… It used to feel really good to know that someone really cared for you so much but I would also get hit by the guilt – if I don’t go home I disappoint my parents and if I do go home, my pal is all alone in the hostel.
Ok… this time reunion was planned by our beloved friend Monika. She hasn’t changed either. She is a person who can do anything for a friend and it was she who materialized the whole reunion. The lovable and affectionate and adorable friend in my life..
Both me and Anchal didn’t loose a single chance to pull Monika’s leg! It felt as if we are back to the old times.. nostalgia really hit us hard.
That day I learned that friends are really an indispensible part of our lives and no matter how many miles away we are from them when we meet we can just start from where we left – doesn’t take any effort – no politeness required – no pretentions whatsoever required – you just be what you are no matter how long it has been since you have met.
A very enriching and heart warming reunion that will always stay in my memory forever.